Kaleidoscope Kreations Reviews
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Tuesday, April 20, 2010, 2:01 PM
Eye of the RavenReviewer: Harumi95 @Kaleidoscope Kreations
NOTE TO AUTHOR: I apologize if you are insulted in any way by my review Pararae. Nothing I have written was intended to offend – only to help.
Title: 5/5
A good, simple title to begin the story with; it introduces the readers to the general theme.
Background/Poster: 5/5
The black background fits the mood perfectly, adding emphasis to the story’s atmosphere.
Forewords: 9/10
A very pleasing introduction to the fiction – It gives hints on the storyline and does not give enough to ruin the plot. Everything is very good except for a couple of grammatical errors: e.g. ‘Mission is task for servant’ – it would make more sense if it was: ‘A Mission is a task for a servant’; ‘Missions are tasks for servants’ or ‘‘Mission’ is the task for a servant’
Plot: 13/15
The plot is well-planned and extremely interesting to read. The tension is built up very well throughout the chapter and keeps the reader’s attention affectively. The only problem for me was that I got lost several times during my read because of the confusing amount of characters.
Creativity/Originality: 12/15
A very interesting original story which I can clearly see that you have put a lot of time and effort to it. The story’s idea itself is very creative; I think it’s great. But sometimes, the story follows the basic outline for the typical drama/action fictions – apart from that, it is very good.
Flow: 9/10
The general flow of the story is excellent and the transitions between the different scenes are very good too. You are AMAZING at writing action scenes – and I am in awe, since that is the only part of writing that I find hard to write. Also, most scenes fit well together; not jumping parts like some fictions.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Grammar is possibly the biggest problem of the story. There are many mistakes (mostly the wrong use of tenses) that would catch an experienced reader’s eye. For example, ‘After a few minute of silent’ – ‘After a few minutes of silence’; ‘She have job to do’ – ‘She has a job to do’; ‘She has no time to stand around and listen to moron’ – ‘She did not have the time to stand around and listen to the moron’; ‘Without Conrad if that how it has to be’ – ‘Without Conrad if that is how it had to be’… And unfortunately, that’s only ONE paragraph. On the other hand, your extended range of vocabulary is extremely good! It sounds very professional because of your excellent choices of words.
Characterization: 13/15
Each different character has a distinguished personality; the reader gets a chance to explore interesting responses and actions from them. Unfortunately, some of the parts does not appear completely natural – the characters sometimes changes their mood too quickly and tend to over exaggerate some of their actions.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style is, personally, VERY good. With a bit more work on the grammar, affective use of sentence structure, tenses, and use of naturally fitting vocabulary – You would be an outstanding writer; I am actually being very serious.
Overall enjoyment: 4/5
Overall, I am very impressed with what I have read. Apart from some errors in language, I thought that it was very good! To be honest, the beginning did not really catch my attention to the full – but ‘WOW’ to your last third of the chapter! I enjoyed that hugely and would love to read it again any time.
Total: 84/100 – I think that it is a very big number in my opinion - I am a very strict reviewer :)
Labels: Harumi95