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Hello Established April 19,2010 and headed by Kyn, Kaleidoscope Kreations aims to provide vistors with graphics and reviews. Email us at rain_kissed@live.com with your questions and comments
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Friday, April 23, 2010, 1:11 PM
‘Raisonnement, confiance and fric’ Reviewed by Harumi95@Kaleidoscopekreations.blogspot.com
Title: 5/5
An excellent title to start off the story. It instantly attracts the reader’s attention in result of its unique form; it is allusive, yet it seems to reveal a lot from the beginning (which in truth - it does not) because of the familiarity of the French language to the English. Also, I liked the way you gave the dictation of the title just before the start of the story – it sounded official; adding to the general mood.
Background/Poster: 4/5
An oddly fitting background for the story-line. The atmosphere of the plot is almost the opposite of the ‘elegant’ feeling of the blog; resulting in an interesting ‘Oxymoron’ display.
Forewords: 9/10
I am IMPRESSED! I cannot believe how simple it is, yet it is so affective! I loved the fact that it is both the beginning AND the summary of the one-shot – it almost gives the feeling of a continuously ‘looping’ story - Ingenious! But to captivate a reader completely, why not develop the ‘note’ into something more… snappy? For example:
‘Francesca at the hangar at 2100
Further information in the hotel
Destination: Nieve Objective: 6 kills’
This could be your foreword, and then at the end, Alex could read it and it can have a little additional message?
‘Francesca at the hangar at 2100
Further information in the hotel
Destination: Nieve Objective: 6 kills’
Alex did not know how to react at the unexpected message; didn’t Raven say that she cannot be trusted? She flipped the note several times… etc. etc.
‘Ma confiance - you have it’
And etcetera. (Sorry – I know it is bad, but it is the only thing that I can come up with right this second)
By the way: Pararae – this is only my opinion, so please do not be annoyed at my suggestion :)
Plot: 13/15
The plot is simple and attention-grabbing, but it lacks a thorough climax – and in these drama type stories, a climax is absolutely essential! It is actually the whole point of this kind of genre. Also, I do not get how Raven suddenly decided that she trusted Alex suddenly; knowing her character, it seems a little strange. Besides that though, it was a very satisfying read overall.
Creativity/Originality: 11/15
The whole story seems to be a bit rushed – the mark is low because it was a bit too cliché, and it followed the typical plot of a drama one-shot. On the other hand, I must give you credit for developing the system of spies/assassins for your stories; It is very detailed and I can tell that you spent a lot of time making it work.
Flow: 8/10
The general flow between the scenes was excellent: Everything ran smoothly and there was no major catastrophe. However, the flow of your sentences can be improved – your descriptions of the characters are far too long; making the whole thing awkward to read. I am definitely not saying that long descriptions are bad at all! In fact, they are a very important part of a story. But the key for a detailed description is this - Never try to put too much in a sentence.
‘…brunette ran down the stairs with her shoulder-length hair swung at the back of her head where a big, bow-like, blue ribbon tied loosely to a small lock of her hair… her up-lifted, short, blue skirt that give a clear image of her white underwear…’
That alone was plenty of description but it carries on:
‘…short, raven haired girl who was clad in short, dark leggings, black, mini, fish-net skirt that fall just below her hips, red collared jacket with a quarter-cut spaghetti-strap that gave a tempting sight of the Asian’s milky complexion.’
It is very good – but not altogether in a single paragraph.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
The grammar is definitely an improvement from the ‘Eye of Raven’ – but it seems to be, as I mentioned above, rushed. Typical typos appeared many times, and some basic grammar was wrong. On the other hand, your vocabulary range was wide and professional – just what I was expecting from the author of the ‘Eye of Raven’.
Characterization: 11/15
A bit disappointing that the characters did not really shine through properly – I suppose the one-shot was too short to add any major details, but I am sure that you could have built the characters’ personality more. It was okay for me because I knew the character ‘Raven’, but to people who does not, some of the situations might have been confusing: For example, ‘Why was it so amazing that Raven sent Alex a mission note?’ – I knew, but would new readers do too?
Writing Style: 8/10
Once again, I would just like to say that you are an excellent writer. With a little improvement, your stories would be amazing to read. I also loved the way you describe each minor action accurately.
Overall enjoyment: 5/5
I really enjoyed this one-shot. It was almost like a fresh breeze after all those drearily long fictions that drag the story on forever. A pleasure to read and review :)
Total: 81/100
A bit too short, no? :( Oh well...
Labels: Harumi95