Kaleidoscope Kreations Reviews
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Hello Established April 19,2010 and headed by Kyn, Kaleidoscope Kreations aims to provide vistors with graphics and reviews. Email us at rain_kissed@live.com with your questions and comments
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Tuesday, December 21, 2010, 5:49 PM
It's SM L♥ve!
fanfic: It's SM L♥ve!author: baeunalurve19
reviewer: Orphey
Title: 3/5
Since you haven't finished the story, I can't take off or give much for this one because you haven't gotten to the "love" part yet. But on a different note, using the word "love" in a title is discouraged. It much too over-used. But since it's short, and SM kind of hints at a "love" between people in SM entertainment, I'll give you some points on that. Well at least, I hope that's in the ball park. ^^
Background/Poster: 3/5
I like how the poster's arranged [somewhat] photo-wise. The girls don't look cluttered. It's the title placing that I'm disagreeing with. The Angel girl's photo is overlapping the title path. You have to scroll further down to see it. I even have to tilt my head because the background is in such great contrast with the title that I can't focus in on it. Overall, I think the background is over done in some contrast. It distracts from what you should see first thing.
Forewords: 7/10
The forewords were overdone in adverbs/adjectives. Your descriptors were blatant. I immediately felt like you were trying to sell me something. It seemed cheesy almost. Since your story was of the apply sort, I agreed with the "advertise" feel, but the excess of description caught you. This has more to do with flow, so I didn't count too much off for it.
Plot: 12/15
In the beginning, I honestly was clueless as to where you were going with the plot line. I kept getting distracted by your many references to things that didn't really matter (like over-exaggerated comparisons). Your awkward/happy/dorky moments make up most of your plot line so far, but it is entertaining. ^.^ And though people may say that's not truly a "plot," a "plot" is meant to entertain or please the mind. Yours did, despite it being a little off in almost one too many spots, you still kept me entertained. And since it's not done, I can't completely judge you on this area yet.
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
I've seen many stories with created girl groups, but then again it's the easiest way to associate to the idol. But then again (again) it's your responsibility as an author to get creative no matter the circumstance.
Flow: 6/10
Your flow is decent. It could use some work because you like to jump around. You should try not to put in too many distracting details. You get caught up in your thought process, and you have to make sure you don't stray from what you were originally trying to say.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Oi...when I read your writing, many things are, well, off. Your spelling is fine, but your grammar definitely needs work. Some of your sentences make me have to stop and think about to understand with the way you worded them. Your worst point would have to be verb tenses. They very first chapter for instance: "They placed their butt on their own chair, yeah! this mean, they have their own chair which has a name on it. So, they can't sit on other people chair." It looks like something that a translator would give me. You also have many unnecessary or irrelevant words/phrases that distract from the sentence's meaning. Maybe you're trying too hard. Just remember to read over what you've written to make sure it sounds right. If you're unsure of how something sounds, do not use it.
Characterization: 12/15
Despite the grammar, you distinguished between your characters' personalities well. You kept an overall happy feel to all of them. And although that is nice because it's well "happy" you should incorporate more than just those happy moments. Variety will get you far. Your happy moments sometimes got awkward, which then made them uncomfortable.
Writing Style: 7/10
Your grammar takes away from your writing style. Your distractions contribute to it, but they also make it somewhat dislikable. Check your writing often and make sure everything sounds right.
Overall enjoyment: 4/5
Although I did enjoy the awkward and happy surrounding of everything, in some places it became to weird that it was uncomfortable; and that's what took away some of the enjoyment. I think it was the way you expressed the boys' feelings. They were REALLY awkward to me. I could picture the girls being silly like that, but when you tried showing the boys in that kind of light things just got a little out of hand.
Total: 70/100
Labels: Orphey