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Sunday, January 9, 2011, 6:44 PM
Christmas Day
fanfic: Christmas Dayauthor: Scorpio
review: Harumi95
Title: 3/5
Well… All I can say about your title is that it is really…. Normal… Nothing else can describe such an over-used title like ‘Christmas Day’, unfortunately. I would not have picked out such a title from the tremendous amount of fics from Winglin – I suggest using a different language or something more eye-catching for a fic title in the future.
Background/Poster: 2/5
Definitely not my favourite. The poster was not BAD, but the background was infuriatingly distracting – try to request for a more subtle tone next time. The poster is very roughly made – in short, it looks a bit cheap.
Forewords: 4/10
Boring and…. Too bland. A lot of writers does not seem to realize it, but the foreword is actually one of the most important component of your story – it is the first thing that the reader reads, and it determines if they are going to carry on with the ‘Next’ button or not. We need something more gripping – something to make me desperate for more of this fantastic story the reader will be expecting.
Plot: 8/15
Honestly speaking, one of the very stereotypical oneshots. There was nothing particularly wrong, but there certainly was not anything amazing enough for me to be enjoying reading it. I had absolutely no idea who this c-pop star is, which worsened the oneshot – No descriptions or anything similar for me to relate to!
Creativity/Originality: 7/15
Not good – but then, you cannot really expect any kind of amazing unique plot in a Christmas oneshot, I suppose. But you could have at least made it a little more dramatic, no? The genre of this story is extremely vague – if you plan to be completely sappy, then go ahead. If you plan to make it dramatic, then please feel free. Make it enter a definite category.
Flow: 8/10
Very good flow. But some of the scenes were slightly rushed – I know the exact feeling of writing boring scenes; even if it is a pain to describe the minimal details, try to make everything more natural by adding a little more… Action? For example, one of the twins could have dropped a fork in the restaurant – XiaoJie could have noticed her breath condensing on the window as she looked through it; her fingertips could have brushed along it, leaving a faint trail of… etc. You get the idea. Description is absolutely critical – and I mean critical.
Oh yes, one more thing – The one thing that was really awkward was when XiaoJie was thinking about the other guy.
‘Xiao Jie, how are you now? Its already Christmas,
I mean, you would not just go like that in a situation like that, right? It just did not look like it belonged.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
Nothing wrong from what I could see – I may have missed several minor mistakes, but the good thing is that I was not tempted to throw my laptop trying to read through the hazardous piece of rubbish that a lot of writers write these days.
Characterization: 7/15
I could seriously make out nothing on the character at all. All I gathered from your oneshot was that XiaoJie was a girl, married to Xiao Jie, a guy who went on frequent business trips, and had twins. And clearly, that is not the best characterization, yes? Try to give your characters a little uniqueness! Give them little habits and personality that you could portray even in a oneshot! Little hints on the couple’s history would have been a bonus – something to increase the story’s depth.
Writing Style: 8/10
Nothing to criticize here. I mean, your style is not exactly distinctive, but it ticks all the boxes – which is all it matters. A little more description and naturalness will raise that 8 to an easy 10.
Overall enjoyment: 2/5
It was okay. I mean, apart from the fact that I had absolutely no idea who this XiaoJie and Xiao Jie was, it was not too bad. I personally do not like romances of this type – so forgive me of my low score on this part.
Total: 58/100
Reviewer’e note: Yes I know, I am terribly harsh – I hope I do not offend you in any way at all! I personally think that your writing skills are good – It is just the outline of the story lets it down. And I am very sure that in a fic that you have properly written with an organized plan, it would be very good :)
Labels: Harumi95