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Friday, April 22, 2011, 12:33 PM
To dance is to believe
Title: To dance is to believe Author: flyxtoxheaven
Reviwer: Harumi95
Title: 2/5
Before I even started reading your fic, I was instantly pulled away from reading it by this extremely cliche title. It… really makes me cringe. BUT – I suppose it creates this ‘stereotypical’ feeling to your fic, which is a great comeback when you start reading the story ^^
Background/Poster: 2/5
To be very honest, it was poorly made. I suppose it’s not really your fault that the poster maker would make such a poster, but you should have checked his/her earlier works to see if it was good enough. The colours, the texture, the layout… Everything is very unflattering. However, you can change this very easily by requesting from another site/ user.
Forewords: 6/10
I’ll forgive the fact that you listed the genre and the rating because it’s very brief – it doesn’t really give away the plot like a lot of poorly written stories do. The brief summary seems to be a little rushed – and it SCREAMED out SPOILER. This is a huge no! Try and capture the reader, make me begging for more of this fantastic story you’ll give!! And it was more disappointing because your story’s pace was brilliant – and those three lines kinda ruined it. If you are planning to be a writer one day, this is actually very important – it will serve as a blurb of the story - and what kind of a good reader would read the book without reading the blurb? No one. And trust me on that.
Plot: 12/15
(I’m sorry to say that I was unable to fully read your story as I couldn’t find the rest after chapter…8/9?? I went through all your other stories – the rest of this one was missing. Next time, please TELL me where your story is, and if it’s hard to find, because it took me half an hour trying to find chapter one after the prologue you sent me.)
It was…. Really typical. There was the typical trauma of the protagonist, and her typical past, but nothing else. There wasn’t a single comeback, or a great twist to the story… And personally, I found that a little boring. I really dislike romances of this type – doesn’t have a climax. Nothing I can really say about it, because I wasn’t able to read the ending, and the ending is THE most important part of a plot.
Creativity/Originality: 12/15
It’s definitely more creative than most fics I see these days, but it still seemed slightly stereotypical… Is it just me who found it a little boring? Add something dynamic to your story – if you are planning to go into the writing genre, then you should know that even the most boring subjects/ genres/ characters can be turned into an instant favourite with the right author. Me finding your fic slightly tedious is not due to the fact that I generally dislike this genre, but the fact that it was…. Deflated? Bland?
One thing I’m happy about is that the main protagonist wasn’t the Miss Perfect everyone is pining to write about these days. Now that is BAD. It makes me want to throw my laptop in anger -___-
Flow: 7/10
I was extremely pleased at how your story flowed. Even though the grammar WAS slightly rocky, and it annoyed me continuously when I was reading, it had a very good pace – not too slow, not too fast. And that is something of an achievement to hear it from me. I’m very sensitive with the pace of a story. One thing I have to mention is that I LOVED how your character interaction scenes flowed! When the two protagonists were kissing/ touching, it made me feel like I was the character! (:D)
Oh yes, I have to admit though, I could tell that you rushed moving onto different scenes in some parts of the story. I KNOW it’s tedious work trying to merge the scenes together, but it’s necessary – please go back and see if there’s any unnatural jumps and slips.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Okay. One word to say to you. COMMAS.
I personally don’t get it – if your writing level is this high, how is it that you skip out on one of the MOST basic levels of writing?? Take a deep breath, then read through your fic quickly – if it doesn’t make sense and you have to reread the part again, there’s something wrong with it. Commas should go where it sounds right – a pause, a gap, a separation of idea. It is SO ESSENTIAL. Especially if you’re going to the writing profession! Tiny mistakes are embedded in your fic, and it’s not very good.
For example: ‘You’re lying, not about Midori about being lonely.’
For a skilled reader who reads fast, this sentence got me really confused. Midori was lonely? No. It’d be:
‘You’re lying. Not about Midori, but about being lonely.’
I have to confess, it’s really awkward. Take the beginning for example,
‘Music swirled around the dusty attic, what little light managed to find it's way into the cramped area hit floor boards, dented and smooth from years of dancing. Old broken pieces of mirrors picked up by a young girl years ago were stuck to the widest wall, forming a larger mirror, though crooked and awkward, which had been used religiously. The boards that helped hold the rusty roof on the house were covered in towels or some sort of prop picked out of bins or bought cheaply at second hand shops.’
‘Music swirled around the dusty attic, the little light that managed to find its way through hitting the floor boards, worn and dented from years of use. A crooked large mirror adorned the widest wall, cracks shimmering along the surface as if it remembered the young girl who picked and glued each broken pieces of glass together laboriously. (I didn’t actually understand the next sentence, so I guessed the meaning) Looking at the side, there were boards that served as pillars, covered in old towels and ragged props, carefully picked out from second hand shops and bins to form a vibrant collection.’
I’m definitely not saying that my writing style is any better than yours (far from it), but can you see the difference? Making sense is even more important than sounding extravagant – always remember that. If you think you’re not making sense, then make everything simpler; that will be much better than just rambling long and descriptive words that will be hard to figure out.
Characterization: 12/15
Taeyeon seemed to be the stereotypical ‘loud girl’ type – which I wasn’t so fond of. Her personality seemed to be MUCH too exaggerated, and seldom natural. However. Did I ever mention that I never really liked Changmin before? Well, scrap that, because I now officially have this crush on him. I actually ADORED the details and descriptions on Changmin – it made everything so much real and interesting.
I actually loved the other characters too – Midori was a bit typical, but characters such as Tim and her friends jumped out of the page to life – excellent.
Writing Style: 8/10
With a bit of polish, your writing style would be amazing! I loved how your style was really… professional. I can see the rough diamond~! Apart from the minor tweaks (that are pretty important), I liked most things about it.
Overall enjoyment: 3/5
I personally don’t favor stories of this style – so it’s no one’s fault that it’s a three. To be honest, if it was of any less quality, it would’ve been an EASY 1 or 2, so 3 is a very good score considering the genre.
Total: 71/100
I’m so sorry it’s late D: I completely forgot about the pending requests!!!!!!!!!!! Many apologies and please note that my review is a portrayal of MY OPINION – which definitely isn’t always right :D
Thanks and have a lovely day ^^ I hope I helped.
Labels: Harumi95