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Hello Established April 19,2010 and headed by Kyn, Kaleidoscope Kreations aims to provide vistors with graphics and reviews. Email us at rain_kissed@live.com with your questions and comments

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Saturday, November 13, 2010, 1:19 PM
Unforgettable Birthday Present

Fanfic: Unforgettable Birthday Present
Author: Reny
Reviewer: Kyn


Title: 4/5
When I first saw the title of the fanfic I assumed that it had something to do with a confession, as most stories on winglin do. This confession would be an unforgettable birthday present because it is probably what the character wants the most or never expected to receive. Before looking at anything else but the title I was able to pin down your fanfic, however the title doesn’t exactly state all that which is good.

Background/Poster: 5/5
The background and poster match very well with your fanfic. What I like most is that it isn’t overly cheerful and filled with fluff.

Forewords: 4/10
Your forewords had no real connection to your fanfic at all expect letting the readers know it was intended for a friend. Writing any kind of prologue can be pretty difficult because you want to pull the audience in but not reveal too much information. That is especially true with one-shots and short fanfics because the story itself is short so there isn’t much you could reveal. But here are a few ideas:
1. Try letting the audience know who the characters of your fanfic are, not everyone may know who they are just by looking (I’m one of those people). At the same time you don’t want to give a whole character profile because people should come to know the character as they read.
2. Include some kind of poem or quote to set the mood of your fanfic. This way the audience has an idea of what kind of mood the fanfic has, is it romantic, angst, a drama.
3. You can also include a snippet of an important scene in the fanfic (if you’ve already written it). This way the reader is drawn in by what’s happening in the story, how did things end up this way, why are they acing this way? You also can keep a sense of mystery to your fanfic if you don’t reveal how things end or keep the characters who are speaking a mystery until they actually read.

Plot: 13/15
There was nothing that you added in that I would consider detrimental to your fanfic, however there are some things I believe should have been added in. It becomes very clear to the reader that Nina has feeling for Kei by the way she acts around him. It would have been nice if you could show that Kei loves Nina in a way other than having him say it.

Creativity/Originality: 6.5/15
It’s true that there is no originality, even the best of writers published or not have ties to works done before theirs. However there are more than just similarities between this fanfic and others written. The storyline is something that has been used over and over. It would have been great if you tried to add something in that made your different from another fanfic, but I couldn’t really find that. However since it is your fanfic I guess you could say that is what gives it its originality.

Flow: 10/10
The flow of the fanfic was pretty good. You managed to get everything you needed out without dragging anything out. Your writing was very consistent and clear. There was never a point where I feel like you were rushing anything.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
There were a few mistakes that were present throughout your fanfic but they didn’t affect the readers’ ability to understand what was happening. They were common mistakes that are made by people who aren’t proficient in English. Here are some of the mistakes you made that are easily fixable.
1. Syntax is the way you choose to arrange words, in some parts the way your worded things was awkward. You can try repeating what you write our loud, that way you can catch your mistakes, if it sounds weird try and see what you can fix. “She was wearing her complete school uniform with her semi long hair that exactly above her shoulder was let loose.” Instead of wording it that way try “She wore the school’s complete uniform and had semi long hair that hung loose at her shoulders.”
2. Sometime you mixed us words that were similar. For example you wrote “Kei let out a chucked” It should have been “Kei let out a chuckle” the word you used (chuck) means to throw something. You also wrote “That mean I won” is should have been “That means I won.” You wrote mean is in being a mean person.
3. There are a lot of words in English that sound the same but have different meanings and spellings. If you’re ever not sure about something you can try to look up homophones. You wrote “You should by yourself next time if you want something else!” Instead of being spelt by the word should be buy.

Characterization: 12/15
The personalities of your characters was very consistent and by the end I feel like I have an understanding of what they would do in certain situations. But I don’t think there was any growth in their characters, they remained flat characters.

Writing Style: 8.5/10
The way you wrote was very clear and clean cut. It was very simple making it easy to understand. However I would recommend you add more descriptions into your writing. This way the audience can create a clearer picture of what is happening and place themselves into your fanfic.

Overall enjoyment: 5/5
Despite my earlier comments I really did enjoy reading this fanfic. When I do my reviews I try to be objective and not think of whether I liked the fic or not. But I really did like it.


Total: 73/100

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010, 5:16 PM
Diary of an Ex-Stalker Fan

Title: 5/5
The title was very fitting and eye catching.

Overall Appearance: 10/10
The poster is pretty, but what really captured my interest was the background. Although the story is mainly about Ara, and is told from her prospective it featured Ji Yong. Maybe it’s just because he is eye candy, but it left a deep impression on me. The way your background is like the page of a notebook, the writing is “dear diary”, and the only person on the page is Ji Yong really tells a lot about your story. The way Ara’s mind is on Ji Yong, how he is her focus despite everything, how her being and diary revolve around him.

Forewords: 8/10
Your forewords didn’t feel like an introduction to your story, it felt more like it was part of it. The forewords could have easily been passed off as a chapter. It would have been better if you gave more information on Ara’s background. Even though you tried to do so, things only became clear as I read the story.

Plot: 14/15
The plot was interesting; I really like how things weren’t repetitive. There was always something new and interesting going on.

Creativity/Originality: 13/15
I haven’t read anything like this before. Aside from being able to tell what was going to happen in some situations, I think the originality and creativity of this was good.

Flow: 8/10
The flow was pretty good, I can only find fault in the pace of the relationships in the story. Ara became so close to the Wonder Girls instantaneously; it felt more than surreal. It would be really good if you developed this relationship, and any future relationships that may occur.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocab.: 11/15
There were only common mistakes; however they are the ones that diminish your writing. In your writing I saw a lot of awkward sentences, spelling mistakes and you added in extra words that weren’t needed. There were also common mistakes in grammar like verb tense and making words plural when they didn’t need to be.

Excerpt from Chapter 8:
After a few more running I felt my romantic mood dissipated, as the reality me running out of breath is gnawing right in front of my face. Just like a fish out of water kind of thing. “W-Wait! Wait!” I pulled out all the strength I have to stop and literally grabbed my hand back, trust me I regret doing that. I should have enjoyed this moment with him. “HUFF! PUFF! W-Wha…” I sat down and felt my chest going to explode. “W-Wait…” I felt my chest was squeezing my heart so tight that I couldn’t breath.

My edit:
After some more running, I felt the romantic mood had dissipated because of the reality of me running out of breathe was gnawing at my face. It was just like the fish out of water thing. W-Wait! Wait!”I called on all the strength I had to stop. I literally grabbed my hand back, trust me, I regret doing so. I should have enjoyed this moment with him. “W-Wha…” I huffed asI sat down, it felt like my chest was going to explode. “W-Wait..”My heart was being squeezed so tight that I had trouble breathing.

Writing Style: 7/10
I noticed that you tried to include figurative language like personification, metaphors, and similies. It gives your writing a polished look and shows that you put thought into what you were writing. However some situations could have used more description. It seemed like you tried to show how fast some scenes were passing, in doing that you forgot to add in some important details; it seemed like there were holes in your writing.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10
I really liked this, without realizing it I had finished all of the chapters and wanted more. It was so easy to read this story, despite the task heavy task of reading 22 (I think there were 2 reviews) chapters. The idea of Go Ara, Jaebum, and Ji Yong being paired together never once came to mind, but it seems to fit so well here. Maybe it’s because you convey your story so strongly, it was defiantly a good read. I sincerely enjoyed reading your story Unnie.

Total: 86/100

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5:07 PM
In The Name Of Love

Title: 5/5
The title was interesting and clear reflection of the story.

Overall Appearance: 6/10
The poster doesn’t reflect the story well but It does feature Jae and the main girl, it would have been better if some of the other main characters were included though.

Forewords: 9/10
I usually don’t like when writers describe their characters in the forewords, but you didn’t give away too much and left room for the reader to figure out the characters themselves. You also included a short introduction without giving away much. The only qualm I have is that there wasn’t much to make the reader anticipate the story.

Plot: 11/15
I can see that you put effort into what you wrote and tried your best to write a story that your readers would like. You connected your ideas well and always had something new happening. However there were a lot of cliché things happening and the direction of the story was very predictable.

Creativity/Originality: 5/15
This fanfic was very cliché, not only was the storyline uncreative, but the character’s persona can be found in many other fanfics. The love triangle, contract relationship, dead girlfriend, and dress up scene have been seen many times before. The only thing that made this story yours was the fact that you wrote it.

Flow: 5/10
By the second chapter Jae is starting to show signs of affection for the main character, it seems like it is happening to fast. He’ just met her, and although he’s supposed to be in love with Heebon, he’s already thinking of someone else. Furthermore, you wrote about 39 chapters, if things are developing like that already is there a need to prolong the story so much? This makes the flow inconsistent.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocab.: 6/15
There were quite a few mistakes in your writing; it brings down the quality of your writing. There were times when you used a word that didn’t really fit into the sentence, although words are synonyms they have different levels of strength, and the connotations for some words are not the same. There were also a few times where words didn’t belong in the sentence or a word was missing. Some examples of this are “Bud does it real?” it should be “But, is it real?” or “I didn’t dreaming.” “I wasn’t dreaming.” would be a better fit that what you originally wrote. As for your punctuation you didn’t include (‘s) where you should have. When you just put s after a word like in boats, it means more than one, when you use (‘s) as in her’s it shows ownership or some kind of relationship. You also had a lot of fragmented sentences, try connecting sentences together with a comma (,) or semicolon (;) as well as developing the sentence more.

Writing Style: 6/10
The second person point of view isn’t seen often, and can be a little difficult to work with, there were a few instances were a few you switched between the second and first person point of view. Although you changed the point of view giving your characters more of a chance to shine, I feel like they weren’t described enough. I wasn’t able to get a strong enough impression from them.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10
It wasn’t bad, but it was a far cry from something I would find myself reading on my own. There wasn’t anything unique in your story to make me want to stay.

Total: 56/100
To help improve your grammar score you can always request for a beta reader from Season of Mists. They’ll edit your story for you to get rid of any grammatical, spelling, or punctuation errors. Most importantly sorry for the wait

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5:05 PM
Tattoo Of The Yakuza Geisha

Title: 4/5
From the moment I read your title, interest grew in me. The Yakuza Geisha part works, but I haven’t understood the Tattoo part yet. But you’re story is beginning to unfold, so there is time to develop that.

Overall Appearance: 10/10
I seriously live your poster. The photo of Go Ara is amazing and fit perfectly with your story. There are so many little details that can be linked back to the text. You did an awesome job of picking the photos and v a n n did a wonderful job designing it. The look in Ara’s face is priceless. There is this sad melancholy in her eyes that just speaks a thousand words, she also has the look of a geisha the bold eyes, porcelain skin, and blood red lips. I also noticed the outline of a body with what seems like a tattoo of a classic geisha. I am seriously fangirling over your graphics.

Forewords: 8.5/10
I don’t really like to see character profiles; I prefer to learn about the characters as you read. However, your profiles just gave basic background and didn’t reveal too much. You also had a summary that made a good foundation of your story; still it felt like something was missing.

Plot: 14/15
Your plot was interesting, and I couldn’t think could anything that didn’t fit.

Creativity/Originality: 13/15
It’s refreshing to see a story that doesn’t revolve around bubbly characters, predictable love triangles, and other cliché things. The foundation of your story isn’t 100% original, I have seen one or two; still it’s a breath of fresh air to winglin. One or two things also seem a little reminiscent of Memoirs of a Geisha (the book, not the movie). Lady Mama’s character seems like a mix of Mother and Hatsumomo and Oguri Shun’s character seems like her will be like Toshikazu Nobu.

Flow: 9/10
The flow of the story was consistent, and seemed well thought out. There were no parts that where rushed or moved along slowly.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocab.: 12/15
You had a lot of typos that could be easily fixed by proof reading, please be sure to look over things before you post them, it really makes a difference. You also had a lot of run on sentences, which can be a little confusing sometimes. Break them down into more sentences or use commas and semicolons to separate different ideas. If you need help with grammar and spelling, you could always request a beta reader at Season of Mists (an affie of Yummy Greedy).

Writing Style: 8/10
There is room for improvement with your writing, it lacks in details. Please try to add more descriptions in the future. I also found it a little annoying when sentences would suddenly break and continue in another line. It makes it seem kind of sloppy. I would also like to see you add more depth and strength to your characters. Aside from that your story was simple and easy to follow along with.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
As I was reading, I found myself getting very caught up in the story; I didn’t notice that I was constantly clicking next. It was kind if disappointing when I read your last updated chapter, because I wanted to continue reading. Stories like this, that aren’t all fun and games, seem like they have some meaning and depth really interest me. If you polish it up a little, this story will be amazing.

Total: 86.5/100

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