Kaleidoscope Kreations Reviews
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Hello Established April 19,2010 and headed by Kyn, Kaleidoscope Kreations aims to provide vistors with graphics and reviews. Email us at rain_kissed@live.com with your questions and comments
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Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 7:24 PM
Love Through Music
Title – Love Through Music (2 Chapters - Completed)Author – Amber
Reviewer – sadnitez
Title – 3.5/5
I do see the link between the title and the plot. But this is a rather common title and isn’t necessarily attention-grabbing to most readers.
Graphics/Poster – 3/5
Though the poster was done up rather nicely, I was confused by the choice of pictures used. This story is from Hebe’s POV, so I was wondering (initially) why GuiGui is in the poster. It didn’t help that I couldn’t see Aaron’s face clearly either. It became hard to decide who the main female character in the story is. The focus of the story became blurred. This isn’t a good start, especially since I haven’t even read the story yet.
A suggestion here would be to place Hebe as the central character in the poster, with Aaron and GuiGui as background characters. That way, it will be easier for readers to figure out that Hebe is the main character in the story and the story probably relates to Aaron and GuiGui in one way or another.
Foreword – 7.5/10
Nice, detailed foreword! The foreword presented a big question in Hebe’s mind. Her determination in wanting to solve this question creates suspense for the oncoming plot. It sounded almost like a detective plot to me! Great job on that! ^^
Originality – 7/10
The plot wasn’t something that stands out as really creative or surprising to me. But I do enjoy how you laid out the plot by telling a story to tell the real story within. That’s definitely a creative twist and I do have to give you credits for that! ^^
Flow – 10/15
The start of the story went well and the pace was fairly even. I like how you tried to establish a romantic link between Hebe and Aaron by creating and describing their interactions. What I didn’t really like was the turn of events that ended the story abruptly. I’m sure more can be done on the ending to make this story spectacular. There’s defiantly room for improvement on this aspect! :)
Plot/Characterization – 12.5/20
Though I was initially confused by the poster, I was able to get the gist of the story as I read. I like that the plot is direct, simple and easy to understand. I can see that you made efforts to describe this story with details. But there are still a few missing details and this made some parts of the story seemed strange.
E.g.: You mentioned that the couches seemed burnt but the piano remained perfectly fine even though it was placed in the center of a burning warehouse.
E.g.: Was the fire that broke out at school purely an accident or was it made by Aaron? If he was the culprit, was he trying to suicide? If yes, why did he choose to die in school and not in the warehouse instead?
See where I’m going here? This story will develop a plot that is more solid if you reflect back on the sequences of events when you write.
The story twist was good, good, good! But you should try to reveal the surprise bit by bit instead. Doing so will allow readers to feel the buildup of suspense of this entire mystery and upped this story by a notch :)
Characters-wise, I do have to say that your portrayal of the main female character, Hebe, is different from the rest. While other writers try to make their female leads as likeable as possible, you went ahead to create a character that wasn’t afraid of being labeled as bitchy. While it’s a different approach, I have to admit that I found Hebe’s characterization to be slightly dislikeable and so, I couldn’t align myself with her. This lack of character alignment prevents me from being absorbed into the plot to enjoy the story better.
Writing style – 15/20
I liked how you focused on only on three characters so I’m able to understand each character fairly quickly. This one-shot started out well and it’s easy to get the main gist of the plot. A few sentences sounded awkward but it isn’t a serious problem as they didn’t affect my understanding of the story.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary – 7/10
I have to say that I’m not strict about grammar as long as the sentences make sense. For your story, most sentences do make sense to me. So I’m pretty much fine with your writing. But I do have to point out that quite a few sentences sound awkward and you have the tendency to overuse commas.
E.g.: Err, it's okay. It's not your fault anyway. Any idea on how to get it un-sticky?" asked Arron, with a small chuckle.
Err, it's okay. It's not your fault anyway. Any idea on how to get it un-sticky?" Aaron asked with a small chuckle
E.g. :"I shouldn't be here," said Arron, quickly, without opening his eyes.
“I shouldn't be here," Aaron said quickly without opening his eyes.
E.g.: That, I was happy about but even after a month, he wasn't my boyfriend.
I was happy about that. But even after a month had passed, he still wasn't my boyfriend.
Do take note of your spelling/typo errors as well.
E.g.: “Come on it," he said.
“Come on." He said.
E.g.: "Well, know you know where I'll always go," said Aaron, with a blank expression.
"Well, now you know where I'll always go," Aaron said with a blank expression on his face.
Overall enjoyment – 3/5
“A nice afternoon read” pretty much sums up my feelings as I read this fanfic. I’m sure that your story will please any Aarron/Hebe/GuiGui fans out there! Cheers ^^
TOTAL – 68.5/100
Labels: sadnitez
Wednesday, May 11, 2011, 9:29 PM
I’ll stay BEHIND the Camera, Thanks
Title – I’ll stay BEHIND the Camera, Thanks. (26 Chapters - Completed)Author – carlyxoxorenee
Reviewer – sadnitez
Title – 4/5
An interesting title! I like how it’s clear and relevant to the main female character (since she’s a photographer).
Graphics/Poster – 4/5
A very neat, simple yet attractive looking poster! Using the picture of a female photographer has fit very well in portraying the female lead’s image to me. By not revealing her clearly, it also allows me to imagine her features to my own preferences. It’s definitely a clever use of a picture!
Foreword – 7/10
I liked how the foreword started with a matter-of-fact tone to describe the female character. It makes everything seems more real to me. Nothing much is revealed in the foreword and this is fine for me since I prefer to have some suspense about the story before reading the actual thing.
Originality – 8.5/10
A romance between an idol and his photographer? That definitely did raise some interest from me! I always feel that photographers and idols share some sort of intimate relationships that are just waiting to be written.... (Or is it just me?) And you finally did it!
But that being said, minus their roles, it’s just another fan-fiction type of romance, boy meets girl, they fall in love etc. Yet you managed to keep me intrigued with bits of Cora’s mysterious past planted here and there in the story. It kept up a certain level of suspense in the story with this unexplained plot. Good job on that! ^^
Flow – 11/15
I enjoyed the fairly quick pace of the plot for the first few chapters. But everything seems to rush in somewhere after Chapter 6. To tell you the truth, I didn’t realize how rapid the pace was till the end of the story. It was only until I started recalling the plot do I realize – Holy crap, the events were only a week’s long?!
So personally speaking, I found the pace of the romance between Rain and Cora to be more of a “vacation-romance-fling” type. And again, this is just my personal opinion and is not reflective of the general readers’. ^^b
Plot/Characterization – 13.5/20
Here’s the part which I will probably be (or attempt to be) most critical about. At first glance, I found no major problems with the plot. The general plot is simple enough – Cora and Rain falls in love. It’s more about the sub-plots that I seem to have problems with. You created short scenes where Cora met guys (out of the blue) and interacted with them briefly, before making these guys disappeared as if they had never existed in the first place. While these scenes do add to the content, I don’t quite get the purpose of creating these extra characters in the first place. To me, the guys seem like those “Hi, Bye” type of characters that have probably added nothing substantial to the plot other than filling Rain, with jealousy that only lasted for three-four sentences.
The same case seems to go for Tessa. You have created a substantial sub plot revolving around Tessa. There was even a chapter explaining Cora’s search for her. But you ended the story without filling this sub plot properly. It was simply left hanging there, leaving me to wonder about Tessa and a bit bothered by the fact that the whole Tessa-thing seems like a wild-goose-chase. But I do know you are currently addressing this issue in your sequel now ^^
Lastly, onto the characters! I have to admit that Cora appears as a likeable, sensible type of character to me at first glance. I changed my opinion after her drastic tantrum at Chapter 9. It was such a 180 degree change of character that I was wondering if it’s still the same Cora I was reading. What’s more incredible was that Rain acted perfectly like a Prince Charming despite her tantrums/actions. This suddenly makes me feel like he’s Edward Cullen (from Twilight) with his boundless patience. No prize for guessing who resembles Bella to me! *Chuckles*
(I do know you have tried to address this issue but Cora still seem out-of-character at some points. But this is just my two-cents worth of thought >.<)
Writing – 17.5/20
Great writing style! Everything became so readable because of it. You conveyed the plot well with simple and easy sentences. In addition, your writing style has masked the flaws in your story plot. In fact, I have to say that one of the main reasons why this fan-fiction is so enjoyable is due to great English! Good job on that! ^^
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary – 10/10
I want want want want to say Perfect English! I really can’t bring myself to nit-pit at the minor errors (because they are too minor). In fact, I gave up trying to find errors. So I’m going to say that your English scores a Perfect 10!!!
Overall enjoyment – 3.5/5
It seems like a long story with its 26 chapters. But your perfect English has make reading such a breeze. I actually finished reading the entire fan-fiction at one go! That’s truly a feat since I do tend to take breaks once in a while. Despite some plot holes here and there, I still enjoy this sweet and simple romance between Rain and Cora. Cheers! ^^
(Lastly I do want to apologize for this late review. I have been swamped with work. It seems like a pathetic excuse but I do hope you understand! Thanks again for the review request!)
TOTAL – 79/100
Labels: sadnitez
Thursday, March 31, 2011, 4:32 PM
Remember Me
Title – Remember Me (Chapter 1-14) Author – katastrophick
Reviewer – sadnitez
Title – 3/5
The title is clear, simple and relevant to the story. But it’s a pretty common title everywhere, so it didn’t strike as eye-catching to me.
Graphics/Poster – 2/5
The poster is a bit too simple for my liking. And since the poster seemed to focus on a love triangle between Doojoon, Junhyung and Gi, perhaps it will be better to place Doojoon’s face in the poster. That way, it gives rooms for suspense and speculations about Gi’s final choice between both characters.
On another note, (I‘m not trying to be racist here) I found Western girl to be a slightly strange choice as the poster model of your story’s main female lead. I was expecting Asian girls to be exact, since this is a love story with Asian idols and you didn’t state the origins of Gi. So it’s a bit of a paradox to me. But then again, it’s my one person point of view and is not representative of the whole audience. Sorry if it offends you and anyone in any ways.
Foreword – 9/10
Great foreword! It’s like a prologue, showing a very brief portion of the story with details. The foreword’s content subtly explained the relevance of the story title. This foreword has certainly perked my interest in this story! I found your foreword as a great start to the story! ^^
Originality – 7/10
Main female lead forgets the main male lead – It’s actually quite a common plot around. Love a triangle that involves the leads and their close friends – it’s also another common plot seen around. But having a common plot isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it shows that the plot makes enough sense for writers to keep using them over and over again. In your case, your plot, though unoriginal, is very realistic and believable to me. And that’s more than enough for me to give thumbs up! :D
Flow – 12.5/15
A few readers might find the story’s flow to be a tad slow. But I actually enjoyed the slow pace of your plot. I like how you took the time to develop the thoughts and emotions of the characters instead of diving them into a crazy, mad love rush like some desperados! xD
Plot/Characterization – 17/20
You have a very solid plot going on there! I can’t disagree with any portion of the plot in every chapter because I find everything absolutely believable.
Plot wise, I haven’t seen any crescendo that would make this story exciting. If I have to say, it’s like a smooth flowing river – mundane and ordinary. But I understand that in a realistic plot, it would be ridiculous if events kept popping up in the characters’ lives on a daily basis. However do take note that you have to keep a certain suspense and mystery running to maintain readers’ interests in the story.
Characters wise, I’m fairly surprised (in a pleasant way) by how real Doojoon’s and Junhyung’s characterizations seemed to me. I’m pointing this out because female writers (e.g. – me) usually portray guys in very un-guyish manners (this may be because of their feminine perspective of guys). However in your story, their actions, speeches and thoughts make me feel as if they are real life guys. So I’m concluding that you are either a girl who is very sensitive to guys’ actions and thoughts or you are a male writer!
*Cough* I seem to be diverging from the review…
Writing style – 17.5/20
Perfect English makes reading (this story) such a breeze. Using different writing styles to indicate different POVs has also prevented me from getting confused when there are multiples POV in each chapter. I enjoyed your writing style. But there seem to be a tendency for you to overly describe certain actions/scenes and I found them to be slightly unnecessary.
E.g. – Chapter 1 paragraph 1 – Instead of going into details of how she got out of the car, you can scrape all the descriptions and just briefly state that she got out of the car.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary – 9.5/10
If I am just an ordinary reader in AFF, I would have given you a perfect score. But being a reviewer means that I have to leave no stone unturned, so I did spot a few (very, very minor) tense problems. Note that when you do flashbacks (in italics font), sentences should be in past tense. Other than that, it’s simply perfect English! I’m almost hating myself for taking 0.5 score off this section!
Overall Enjoyment – 3.5/5
This is definitely a great read! Though I’m not familiar with Beast, (I had to Google the members’ profile to find out who’s who) I still found myself enjoying this fan fiction. You wrote in such a way that it was easy for me to imagine the story like it was some kind of an American drama (maybe O.C?). So I’m sure that Beast fans will certainly enjoy this story as well! Cheers! ^^
TOTAL – 81/100
Labels: sadnitez